9:00am: I am a 31 year old man and cannot remember the last time that I cried myself to sleep. Last night was one of those nights.
The past few days have been tough and when we went to bed last night, I think it all came crashing down on me and the reality of it has started to sink in. I try to keep thinking of another possibility of how we can avoid this procedure, but all roads lead to the decision that Kristen and I have made. I keep hoping that the fog will lift and it all turns out to be a dream, but I am only kidding myself.
The last time I have felt this upset/emotional was the day my Uncle Jim passed away a few years ago. And as I type up this blog, I am wondering how I can even start to compare this procedure to a family members death?!? But I guess for Kristen and I, this is the death of the dreams we had of bringing home a healthy and normal baby boy. I feel like the past 9 months should have prepared me for what is forthcoming, but I can't even begin to put this into words of how bad this has my head spinning.
It is a death. You're exactly right. It's kind of the nail in the coffin that you're not going to have a normal life when your son finally comes home from the hospital. When Luke got his trach, David and I went through all the stages of grief. Just want you to know that we're thinking about you and praying for you. I know that you're hurting so much right now. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Hang in there. You're going to make it.
ReplyDeleteWe love you and will do anything for you and Kristen and Reid. You will get through this just like you got through all that has happened over the last 9 months (or more). You need to focus on all of the positive things that Reid has going for him and we know that Reid will accomplish everything in the next few weeks with flying colors. Hang in there! Love, MOM
ReplyDeleteI have read this several times and wish I had the power to make it all good. What beautiful people you both are. It must be hard to write these things but hopefully it is a way to connect with your thoughts in a way that brings you peace at some level. All good thoughts and wishes for tomorrow and the days ahead.
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