Anyway - nothing big to post today, just wanted to get a few pictures up here of Reid's grave:
12:30am: Kristen and I made a trip to the cemetery to visit Reid today. It was the closest I have felt to him over this past week, so I imagine that we will be trying to make frequent trips. We laid down in the grass next to his grave for about 30-45 minutes... somehow the 90ish degree temperature had subsided while we were there and I joked that Reid had put a word into the man upstairs to cool it down and let there be a gently breeze. Reid and I are very hot natured people - so the cool air that seemed to be blowing by was quite pleasant.
We mostly talked about how bad we missed him, how difficult of a life that he had in his short time on earth, and the things we, as parents, will miss out in life. Kristen sang a couple of songs to him and choked back tears. We will be back tomorrow to lay a new set of flowers on his grave for Fathers Day - the ones that were placed the day of his burial have all but wilted. Someone had also placed a teddy bear on his grave, so that was nice to see as well.
The entire set of family and friends that we have had visiting over the past week have all left today. The house is empty and Kristen and I did everything possible to not be at home tonight. Just when things seem to be manageable and you think you have your emotions in check, it is if something jumps up and bites you and you struggle to keep your stomach from turning inside out. Tears roll down your face at random times and when you least expect them to. I guess this is part of the healing of our fresh wounds and it scares me to think about how long we are going to go through this roller coaster ride. If we ever thought the journey through the NICU was tough - we are in for it.
You are forever changed for having known the gift that was Reid. You miss him terribly and who he would have been. Both of you are better people because Reid touched your lives if only for a brief moment. We love you, MOM and DAD
ReplyDeleteThis is sort of related...I guess to give you a perspective, and to try not to offer platitudes to you. Last year at Relay for Life, we had a 4 year old who was battling cancer. I started following his story on Caring Bridge (and can share the link of you would like to read along.)
ReplyDeleteHe had a 2nd bout with cancer which he lost in March. His mother still blogs occasionally on the site and has said that people who have gone through this said it doesn't get easier, it gets harder. I don't know how to "fix" that and assume there is no way to. But I know from what I read that you and Kristen were amazing parents to Reid and definitely did what you were supposed to - you were his advocates and he loved you and he continues to watch over you. I can not begin to understand but you are in our prayers.
You won't ever be the same but you will be fine. Old saying, Time is the great healer, is true. Soon you can just let all your thoughts be on the good days. The early days after loss have a way of focusing on the "what if's" but that goes away and the nice thoughts rise to the top. Hope they come soon for the both of you and your hearts heal. Your partnership is an inspiration. Love,
ReplyDeleteCathy
This kind of things, you never really leave it behind. You just keep on living.
ReplyDeleteAnd then one day, you surprise yourself that life keeps going without that person. And you feel guilty, becouse you don't want to forget him not even for a second. But that is how it goes.
Just be ready to keep on living. It will happen, one of these days.
Big hugs from Alejandro and Elin.
Thank you so much for posting pics of Reid's grave. It looks like such a peaceful place. Thinking of you all. Aundria
ReplyDeleteIt is a beautiful place. Go ahead and appreciate that you are a great Father.
ReplyDeleteI don't know you guys well but have had the privilege to follow Reid's story thanks to Stormi (one of my dear friends) keeping people in her life updated. Although I can not fathom the sorrow that you are facing, I just want to encourage you guys and lift you up. Words can't explain how Reid's story has touched so many lives. This blog is a written testimony of the constant battle that you faced, but yet the consistent hope that remained. Reid's story is truly an inspiration to any of us going through trials and just want to give up. Although Reid's life ended short, God still had a plan for his life. God strategically intwined Himself in Reid's story and in your marriage while going through this. Be encouraged and know that although we can't explain why some of us experience the hardships that we do; when we go through what we think is the impossible, God still somehow ALWAYS brings us through it. This story, Reid's story was simply written so that "they may know." Even though Reid may no longer be here, his story, his testimony is forever alive, and will forever touch people's lives.
ReplyDeleteContinually praying for you guys, that God will surround you with His unforsaking Love and Peace.
-brittany
Thank you for posting the pictures!!! You and Kristen will always be parents to Reid, and that means you will always get to be a part of the Father's Day and Mother's day traditions. Just remember you are celebrating the guardian angel on your shoulder and that he is telling you in his own way, Happy Father's Day DADDY!!"
ReplyDeleteThank you for continuing to post blogs even after Reid has gone to heaven. You are the picture of hope and faith in an unbelievably terrible situation.
ReplyDeleteI still think of and pray for you guys daily, that you find comfort and peace and rest in little moments throughout the day.
I know father's day wasn't very happy for you, but I hope you can take some comfort in the fact that you both were fantastic parents to Reid. I know he is proud of you.
What a beautiful cemetary that you chose for Reid. So beautiful and peaceful. Thank you Chad for continuing to post, for even though I do not know either of you, my heart, like many others, is still heavy for little Reid. I have read the wonderful comments of your friends and family to help me see the light when the clouds seem to get in the way.
ReplyDeleteYou have chosen a beautiful place for Reid. Thank you for sharing the pictures and continuing your posts. You are both still fantastic parents. We think about and pray for you guys and your little angel daily.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing such a personal part of your life with others. Though we didn't know Reid personally, we know that there is another angel looking out and watching over others. God Bless your family!
ReplyDeleteI so regretted not being able to attend Reid's service but I wasn't able to rearrange my prior obligations. Please know that you all continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I can only imagine all the feelings you are feeling. Take Care.
ReplyDeleteLove
Nancy Ware