Just a very somber day today. It is a beautiful day outside and we saw lots of families riding their bikes, strolling along in the park and, in general, enjoying their new years day. Wish that we had something more to be excited about and could be out there enjoying the day too, but I guess we will try for next year. Anyone as interested in joining us for hospital cafeteria food for new years dinner? Haha. :)
10:30am: I wish that when I woke up this morning I felt happy about it being the new year, but I think that Kristen and I are just so emotionally drained with Reid's situation that it is hard to get excited about anything right now. Thanksgiving, Christmas and now New Years have come and gone and for the life of us, we can't even start to remember where all of this time has gone. Reminiscing over 2009, I told Kristen last night that 2009 was not only the best year of my life with Reid being born, but it was also the worst year of my life with what we have had to go through (between Kristen's horrible pregnancy and now Reid's fight with his lung disease). We can only hope that God brings us a better 2010 and Reid is able to fight off his sickness. Reid is such a beautiful, happy baby and continues to prove that he is a strong fighter... he just deserves so much more than what he was dealt.
Last night proved to be another difficult night as Reid's oxygen requirements hovered between 80 and 100%. At 10pm, they had finally weaned him off his morphine and have now started the methadone (a milder sedative) that they will use to get Reid off of all pain killers. They are giving boluses of morphine when they think that he really needs it, but they are trying hard to get him off of everything. I think he is just much more aware of what is going on now and is very agitated and is not feeling well. Because of this, he is requiring much more support. His bpm is still at 53 and have not touched any of the settings on the vent other than his oxygen amounts.
We are starting to get concerned that Reid is not responding well over the past few days. Realistically, he should be "healed" from the surgery and should not be experiencing any further pain from it. Talking to Dr. Moore yesterday, he said that Reid's only short term goal right now is to get him off the vent...they aren't even concerned with his hernias right now and just need to get the tube out of his mouth. The longer he stays on the vent, the further damage it can do to his lungs. If he continues at this pace, after 2 weeks, they may look at giving him a 3 to 5 day treatment of dexamethasone. This steroid has a lot of potential negative side effects (mostly impacting brain growth), so it is used with caution. Dr. Moore was quick to point out that the studies on this drug were from many years ago where doctors commonly used this drug for 42 days in a row. Nonetheless, it is not something that we want to have to use, but if it is the only way for Reid to get off the vent, we may have to go down that path.Reid had another eye exam yesterday and it appears that laser surgery may be in the near future. I think this last exam showed some small growth in the wrong direction and will do another follow up in 7 days (next Thursday). This doesn't mean that he will definitely have the surgery, just that it is probably more likely than it was last week. Talking to Dr. Moore yesterday though, he said that babies usually stop having ROP issues when they are 40 to 45 weeks corrected gestational age. Reid is 43 weeks as of this past Wednesday. Maybe this is part of my wishful thinking, but if Reid can hold on for another couple of weeks, maybe we are out of the woods???
Hernia surgery seems to be the least of doctors concerns right now and they honestly only talk about it when we bring it up.
As far as timeline goes, I asked Dr. Moore if he could pull out his crystal ball and predict the future for us. We want to know when Reid will be able to come home, but we also realize that whatever he said would be an educated guess. Kristen and I had set a date of April 2010 as to when he would be able to come home by, and when we told Dr. Moore of this date, he said it probably wasn't too far off. Depending on how quick Reid can get off the vent, it could be a little sooner. But in the same breath, he said it could be later than that. So, we are sticking April in the ground as our target date even though that is four months away... meaning that we are only half way there as Reid turns 4 months old tomorrow.
Reid was weighed again last night and is in the neighborhood of 8.5 lbs. He probably got wiped down fairly good too as he had thrown up all over himself last night. They had to change out his NeoBar that holds his breathing tube in place as the adhesive had been fairly soiled. He did not have any further vomiting episodes last night, but that may be partly due to the fact that they put a tube down his stomach to vent and pull out any remaining fluids. They got minimal brown fluid and thought that he had probably thrown up most of it on his own.
Anyway, I could probably go on and on with what Dr. Moore, Kristen and I covered in the hour and a half conference yesterday, but a lot of it was hypothetical, what-if's, worse case scenarios, etc that are not fun topics to discuss. He wasn't suggesting that Reid was going down any of these paths, but he wanted us to be aware of all of the various roads that we may end up crossing. He said it is better to be aware of them up front than get into a sticky situation and not be prepared for it if the time came. I will spare you some of the details as I am hoping to get some of the visuals out of my head this morning.
All I want to do today is crawl into bed, watch movies and make my mind numb to the world. Dealing with this situation on a daily basis wears on your mind and body and we so desperately need Reid to have a break one of these days. Please let 2010 be OUR year!



























